One of the first qualities I remember that really stopped me in my tracks as a reader, made me savor and smile and reach for a notebook to capture the memory, was a catchy turn of phrase. Way back in Junior High, I delighted in finding good ones, and to this day I still do. I’m clearly not alone in thinking this. All the Quotation Dictionaries you’ve ever seen are stuffed at least 50% full with the kind of prose I mean: Imagery, pithy, quirky, usually metaphorical but often just exaggerated-by-degree distillations of something true. Although lots of good turns-of-phrase would never make the cut to actually become a famous quote.
I’ll credit this one example as my Ah-ha! moment uncovering turn-of-phrase as our principal weapon in the war against literary malnourishment:
…whose faded, flaxen hair looks like straw on an egg.
— G.B. Shaw
See what I mean? That’s artistic. Here’s more from Shaw: “[he had] no more control over her than a mouse over a cat” or “… polished, balding head with which he can heliograph his orders to distant camps by merely nodding.” From Truman Capote: “… as wet as a widow’s handkerchief,” or “… small and sprightly like a bantam hen.” From Oscar Wilde: “… ticking of the clock on the mantelpiece seemed to him to be dividing time into separate atoms of agony.”
She didn’t appear any older than he remembered;
— Douglas Preston & Lincoln Child
“Guess it’s true what they say about vinegar being a preservative.”
My humble attempts
Everyone who’s even thought about writing a story probably has a cache of such phrases. Here’s a few from mine.
…like smelling a savory meal in the burp of a stranger.
— Norm Bryar
This idea lit up his head like a light-bulb–
— Norm Bryar
a thin filament of illumination in an otherwise bulbous vacuum.
Or how about “he was frozen in his chair like a pilot whose ejector-seat just made a short, arcing sound” or “…with the fervor of someone devoted to ridding their hair of a spider” or “she wondered how to get her co-workers back on track, maybe if she brought in her spray-bottle, the one she uses when her Weimaraner starts humping the ottoman.”
I’ve no illusion I’m the first arrange nearly those words into nearly those ideas, afterall, they’re universal observations or experiences. But that’s what makes them so relatable.
Yes, yes, snappy turn-of-phrase can teeter into purple-prose, it can violate show-don’t-tell, it can sound pretentious. So, it’s like Siracha sauce: best applied sparingly. Really, though, wouldn’t you like to bite into one, just one, such morsel per chapter? Truly hoping you said “oh, yeah, of course”, there.
Avoiding the Cliché
Relatable turn-of-phrase shouldn’t be confused with overused turn-of-phrase. In fact, I think it would be better not to try at all than to reach for something overly trafficked or unimaginative. I’ve been known to DNF (Did Not Finish) at single-digit counts of expressions like “<characteristic-in-question> on steroids” or “<ciq> enough to make Arnold Schwarzenegger blush” or “<ciq> like Mata Hari could only dream of.”
Personally, I’ll forgive actual clichéd expressions (“dead as a doornail”, “like a kid in a candy store”, “read between the lines”, …), especially in dialog/thought-attribution, as genuine people really do say this stuff. But “…on steroids”, for me, renders an effect closer to “on ipecac”.
Anyone enamored with the idea of writing has realized theirs is going to be, at its core, a re-telling of tales told before. The advice given is always “like X but different.” I’m going to try to be diligent in avoiding hackneyed turn-of-phrase, but I’m certain to occasionally sin. My feet, after all, are made of clay (is that a cliché?).
But is it ‘modern’?
I know for a fact successful authors love to craft their words, cultivate their similes, nurture their metaphors, and lay down for the reader the richest experience. Editors too. And both groups are themselves avid readers, hence do not lack for examples to draw from. But I’m not sure modern readers seek the same qualities in their turn-of-phrase as I do. Here’s an example from the Amazon page for A Court of Thorns and Roses of what readers (as of 7/6/2024) went for.
Sure, the dandelion / wind metaphor is a decent one, though I’ve no doubt ACoTaR had more highlight-worthy expressions (by my vivid-imagery criteria). Instead, I’m thinkin’ this book’s audience applies a more romantic criteria. That’s fine. And Sarah Mass has sold lots while I’ve sold … well, nothing yet… so it’s clearly more than fine.
Fifty Shades of Grey’s top highlights at this time were all about pieces of music. So, ok, I guess not every reader’s interested in turn-of-phrase in all of their … diversions. ;- ) Maybe it also says the people highlight what the Kindle told them other people have already highlighted. Dunno.
My advice would be to add witty imagery, even if it seems the public’s appetite is for lower-calorie fare. Write what you’d want to read (which is, of course, something witty).
Anyway, my aim here is this: To give you a glimpse of the stylistic choices you’d find in my work. A faster glimpse than actually reading sample-chapters or short-stories.
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